March 29, 2012
The truth is, I don't have a plan...really, I don't. Do I go to college? Not go to college? What do I want to do? What do I even like? There's so many questions! I have two years, but I like to think ahead. I've even begun to think that I don't want to pursue photography as a career. I just don't know.
Any of you out there struggling as well? I'd love to hear how you're doing with it!
March 26, 2012
March 22, 2012
I started to write a post about crying today and how I've never been a crier, but my thoughts quickly moved from crying to adoption. You see, adoption has made me cry more than I ever used to. Just the other day I was overcome by what I have lost (a tight-knit, well running family), instead of focusing on what all of us are gaining (four new siblings and the opportunity to be a witness).
If I want to be really honest, I miss my old, comfortable life - the life where I was known as the girl with six siblings, who, for the most part, were smart and respectful and obedient. We weren't even close to perfect, but we had a routine and we lived life that way.
I was comfortable.
But God. But God. But God.
He knew I was too comfortable. I was living in a place where I didn't have to strive to serve Him or trust in Him. Nothing happened. Life was easy. I went to church and prayed a prayer, but when did I ever have to show Him to others?
All that has changed. Life is far from easy and that's why I cry. It hurts. The sobs rack and the tears sting as much as it does to be patient and patient and patient. Patience. Love is patient, love is kind.
And maybe, when I step back, it's not that hard, but it hurts for the moment. And maybe, it's not even the adoption that hurts, but my heart under the pressure of The Potter's hands. He is kneading and pressing and shaping. Jesus is helping me, just like I need Him to. Throwing off the old life I had when life was easy to embrace this new life with ten siblings and an even bigger family.
So instead of being proud for my tearless eyes, I've realized that these tears are healing. It's not wrong to mourn the past life I had, but it's wrong to dwell on it. I will look ahead to the time when I wake up and I know, just know, these kids are my siblings.
LORD, CONTINUE TO SHAPE AND MOLD MY HEART, HEAD, AND HANDS. I CAN STAND THE GROWING PAINS.
March 19, 2012
March 16, 2012
You're still the baby of the family, still showered with plenty of hugs, kisses, and tickles - the adoption didn't change that. You still have an ability to make everyone talk in weird baby voices when they play with you. But...you're still growing up. Too fast, in my opinion. Little girl, you learn new words everyday and you
know how to go on the "big girl potty." You and you're new sister are always together, both learning, in you're own way, how to grow up. (Just don't grow up too fast, please.) Last night, it was just you and me on the swings, and you let me snap away while you played. And you told me about flowers and swings and boo-boos in your little girl voice. Playing with you was my favorite part of the day.
March 13, 2012
I'm in the mood to simplify in areas of my life. I stopped pinning things on Pinterest and uploading to Flickr. I organized my binders to prepare for the last few months of my sophomore year. And, yes, faintly, there was this desire to stop blogging, to just put the computer away and never open it again. But, you know that I won't do that - blogging is sometimes the one thing that drives me to improve my photography and writing - and I need this motivation.
My constant excuse has been "I've just been really busy", and I apologize and move on. Am I really busy or am I just too scared, too lazy? There is so much coming up - a summer job, getting my license - and filling up a summer. I want to have time to enjoy those summer days and be intentional. So...I'm simplifying.
In other news, there are some exciting things coming up. For example...guess what comes out in ten days? Guess who is very excited? Also, I'm hoping to do some photography jobs soon. And soccer season starts soon. Doesn't sound like simplifying, does it? These are the things I want to do, though, not the blogging, emailing, and photo-gazing on the computer.
Some photos lately....
And lastly, what do you think of the new design?
March 09, 2012
March 06, 2012
It was this past weekend that helped me to see what I was doing wrong. Why can't I be thankful for this life I'm living? I set a goal at the beginning of this 2012 year to live thankfully. And I haven't. I've gotten caught in a wheel of life and I can't stop it from rolling. And maybe we can't. Maybe we're not supposed to, because if it stops we'll never be the same. Perhaps God gives us hard times so we come to appreciate the things we normally don't notice as we go through our days. Here are some of mine:
+ holding a sleepy, sweaty Ethiopian princess when she awakes in the middle of the night
+ those conversations that might be awkward but bring you closer together
+ the way they try so hard to speak English
+ re-reading the Hunger games in preparation for the movie (only 18 more days!)
+ when our singing actually sounds reasonably good
+ watching the sun set as I type
+ understanding Algebra II (that could quite possibly be a first...)
+ sitting in my closet & writing a blog post while my baby sisters sleep
+ laughing hard as our faces turn red in class
I'm realizing more and more that my life is not going to be the same as other people's. Seems basic, but it's so hard to grasp. This is the life I've been placed in, not my friend's, not that blogger, not this celebrity's. So, wheel, you can keep rolling. I'll keep moving, but that doesn't mean I'll stop appreciating the people around me and the life I have been given.
p.s. Guestposted over here the other day about self-portraits!
March 02, 2012
It was a good break. If you didn't see the sidebar, you might not have known that I was gone a few days. It was a wonderful resting time.
|The bird came from Ethiopia, though.|
It was nice to have a small break away from school work and all the noise that never ceases in my house. It was good to be away, to have time to pray and quiet to read my Bible. I love times like that, away from my family. I have to depend on God more and am able to devote more time to Him.
|That would be my cousin.|