March 29, 2012

wandering minds

School has been my priority lately.  I'm simply trying to do the best I can in these last two months.  My mind has been wandering - thinking about a summer job, my future career, and other things.  It's difficult to focus on the day I'm living in.  This is the time I have looked forward to since I was little: the time when I could get a job, drive, and, eventually, go to college.  Suddenly it's here and I don't think I'm ready.  Taking it one day at a time has helped me immensely, and at night, when I lay in bed, I think about the future and I talk to God about it.

The truth is, I don't have a plan...really, I don't.  Do I go to college?  Not go to college?  What do I want to do?  What do I even like?  There's so many questions!  I have two years, but I like to think ahead.  I've even begun to think that I don't want to pursue photography as a career.  I just don't know.

Any of you out there struggling as well?  I'd love to hear how you're doing with it!


  1. i'm struggling with the unknown simply because i want what i'm going to do be what God wants me to do. and i don't have clarification.
    pray. talking about it to God and other people helps!

  2. Personally, (and this is just for myself,) I wouldn't think photography a very promising career. I mean, a passion, sure, and maybe even a side job, but I just can't see it being enough to support myself.

    I have just as much trouble trying to figure out where I'm headed. Can I make a suggestion? Maybe this whole mindset that you just "have to have everything figured out right out of high school/graduation" isn't Godly. He will tell you what He wants from you in His perfect time. No one said it had to be in two years.

    ^ I feel like God has been telling me this lately. That maybe even though I wish I could head off to college right now, I can't afford it, and it really isn't time. So, if I don't go to college till I'm 25, who really cares? Just spend lots of time talking to Him, like you have been. He'll give you an answer ;D

    Jessica @ Diary of a Beautiful Soul

  3. yes, yes, I'm going to graduate when I'm 16. and I have really no clue if I'm going to go to college, or not. I'll probably just take a couple of classes at our local college and then be done with it. :) but I have so many things I want to do, missions trip, training, and all this stuff. It just gets overwhelming at times, but I just have to rely on God, only He know how it all is going to turn out. :)

  4. Finally, someone who can relate to my very scattered mind and life. I feel the EXACT same. I don't want photography as a career either, but to be a teacher- maybe photography on the side. I haven't decided either, so I feel your confusion!

  5. We've talked about this before and I'm sure you know how I feel due to the dozens of posts I have on growing up and my confusion over the out of focus-ness of my future on my blog, but you definitely are not the only one! I'm thinking of my future almost constantly and since I'm a planner it's extremely annoying not being able to completely plan my future!

    As of right now my "plan" is basically to take a year off after high school to travel, save money, have a break, and do whatever the heck I want! After that year is up I'll decided whether I want more time off or want to go to school, and if I do choose to go to school it would probably be for ECE so I could open my own childcare center! I don't really want to pursue photography as a career because I don't want it to become something that I HAVE to do.

    ANYWAAAYS, if you ever want someone to talk about this stuff with you can email me cause I can totally relate! ;)

  6. that's something I have been thinking about a lot also...what will my future look like? It's hard when you start to get older and now you have to think of all these different things, it all comes so fast. I just keep trusting in God and His will for my life, and praying often.

    (i'm a new follower, love your blog:))


  7. I'd say you have some time! I always knew I wanted to go to college but I really had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to study until this year - just in the past few months, I've figured out so much about who I am and where I want to go in life. Waiting and praying is always a good idea - just don't stress about it too much, if you can help it! :)

  8. Awesome post Olivia! :) Just remember, God is in control of your life! He has it all planned out for you, from begenning to end! :) Don't worry, I'm sure whatever your future holds, it will be for the glory of God! :) I will keep you in my prayers. <3

  9. well, i think you've just voiced what i've been thinking for the past year or so. it's marvelous knowing that God is in control, isn't it? great photos :))
    -jocee <3

  10. I can't tell you not to stress because I did the same. It's wonderful that you're working hard on your studies; that's something I've been lacking greatly lately. I love the Bible verse, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." It reminds me that He will not put me in a place where I ever have a right to fear. He is always our Peace.

  11. That's exactly what I've been thinking of as of late... and struggling with it also, haven't found a solution, but i know God has a plan for each and everyone of us livvie. :)

  12. I've so been there! I just had to breathe, & live it. They say follow your heart- that's what I had to do. It takes work to listen in to yourself, but it's worth it. My unsolicited advice: Don't waste money on college for something you are NOT passionate about. NOT WORTH IT. If you don't know what you're passionate about that can make a living, give yourself time & exploration.
    & time does fly...but taking it one day at a time is the solution. & even when you have a plan it feels like you don't, so breathe through that too.
    "I just don't know." I've said that like a million times. I still largely don't know. But, give yourself grace & space.
    think of this-if you were to flip a coin for it, whatever you're debating, you'll know what you'll really want at that last moment when the coin is in the air. Mentally of course. :p Though literally doing it could be good too.
    anyway, hope this is encouraging! I know I felt so lost & lonely during that time (not so long ago), and I would've welcomed anything, haha.

    good luck!

  13. I've been where you are, and I'm still struggling with knowing exactly what to do in the future. My parents pushed me to go to college, and I'm so glad that I listened to them and ended up at Cedarville University. I have such a hard time knowing what God's will for my life is, but after watching Passion 2012 (, I'm convinced that God isn't so much concerned as telling you or me what career path we need to take as he is with us being available to be used by him right where we are. He wants to be passionately telling others about him and being obedient to him wherever we are. And yes, I know, that doesn't necessarily answer the question, "Should I go to college?" but it does give us stuff to think about. In my own opinion, college is worth the expense for the experiences. It provides a great opportunity to be tons of other people your age (and around your age) for 4 years or so. If you attend a Christian university, you'll hopefully have the privilege of worshiping together with the rest of the students, and that's an amazing experience. I get to do that every week day, since Cedarville has chapel every day, and it's a huge blessing in my life. I also get to hear Christian speakers almost every day and I'm so glad for all that they're teaching me. Another thing about going to a Christian school, one where the majority of students are on fire for God, like they are at Cedarville, is that it will help you develop a firm foundation of faith, provide an atmosphere filled with genuine love, and provide numerous opportunities to serve the world around us.

    You can definitely get all those things from a good Christian community, family and friends, but college will hopefully also help you decide what you want to pursue as a career and help give you independence. I never realized how dependent I was on my parents until I went away to college nearly two years ago. It was hard at first, especially because they were on the other side of the world (my parents are missionaries in Papua New Guinea), but I learned a whole lot and I've grown up as a result of leaving the nest (although I still have a long ways to go!).

    I'll definitely be praying for you, Olivia. May God direct you where he wants to go and make it clear what he wants you to do! :)

  14. ah, Olivia. so many questions! :-) but what an exciting time in your life. and it occurs to me that while it is quite unlike any other time in your life, it is also the beginning of what the rest of your life will be like. a learning how to daily put one foot in front of the other, trusting Him to reveal the plan one step at a time.
    two things come to mind: passion and calling.
    those are the two things i pray for my own kiddos, as they're following right behind you! for God to use their passions and wonderfully meld that into their calling. what a gift. it is a different perspective, i think, than i or your mama grew up having.
    you have a unique perspective, unique circumstances. . . and God knows all of that. i will be praying that He will continue to settle your heart, giving you peace in the knowledge that He holds your beautiful and exciting future in His hands. and that He will give you the specific instruction you need to make the practical decisions along the way.
    much love to you this day.

  15. i know exactly how you're feeling. i've had that feeling since i found my acceptance letter to middle college in the mailbox. middle college pretty much college for juniors and seniors. i'll be attending the community college, taking 3 college classes and 4 high school classes. and i'm though i'm ecstatic, having all that freedom.. kinda freaks me out. i'm also planning on getting a summer job, like you, and i get my license mid-may. crazy how time flies. it seems like yesterday i was off to first grade with my junie b. jones books.

    but, in the mist of all this, these lyrics by brandon heath keeps running through my head.
    there is hope for me yet, because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me. just have to wait and see. He's not finished with me yet, He's not finished with me yet.

    hold on, olivia. He's not finished with us yet. :)

  16. Trust in the Lord and his timing. I'm still struggling to remember that. For me, I had a plan, I had one college that I have wanted to go to since I was little, it was the only college that I was even interested in. But last year I found another college, completely accidentally, and I fell in love with that one too. So now I am trying to figure out which one God wants me to go to. Suddenly I have all these options and questions that weren't there in "my" plan.

    God will begin to close some doors and open others pointing you in the right direction, sometimes I find it hard to trust because I can't see the whole picture, but He is really amazing and if we are willing to listen and follow Him, He will guide us to what He wants. You are an amazing, beautiful person and I know that God has an awesome plan for your life. :)

  17. I'm graduated and still have no idea what I am doing this fall. Anything after June is blank. Sigh.

    And emailing you is on my agenda. Promise! :)

  18. Check out all these responses! Looks like you tapped into something EVERYONE can relate to.

    I think the main thing is just keeping yourself flexible. We get this idea that what we study in college will ultimately decide the rest of our lives. That's NOT TRUE. You may study something you enjoy and end up working in a completely different field that you find just as fulfilling. If you go into an area you don't like, you're not chained to it. That's the beauty of this land of opportunity God has placed you in.

    Stay curious. Stay interesting. And just take advantage of the opportunities God brings your way. Keep in tune to Him -- stay in the Word and keep praying -- and He will direct your path. He promised.

  19. Thank you for this, Olivia! I am struggling with my future, as well. I don't know where to go to college if I even go. It's so hard! Too many decisions...


  20. I do the same thing-talking to God at night about my future and the unknown. I'm a Junior in high school and to tell you the truth. I still don't know what I'm going to do. To go to college or not to go to college...what to do?

    Yep, I struggle with not knowing what the future may hold and not knowing which paths to take. I know that God will show me what to do. He will make my paths straight.

    This verse has been my encouragement as of late.

    "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope."

    Jeremiah 29:11


  21. wonderful pictures with beautiful layout : )
    blog :

  22. I feel you. I can't decide what I want to do. Always remember God has already written your story! =) He is in control.

    you're gorgeous.

  23. I've been struggling with where I'm going next. I don't know if I'll be going back to my school or not and the only thing that has gotten me through it so far is a lot of prayer and talking to my best friend. I pray God will reveal to you where you''re going next!
    I love your self portraits too!
    Tessa Brooke